You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize