worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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