you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i think my tv is drunk
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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