In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
His nipple licking is glorious
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