the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
