your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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