Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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