Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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