took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
