theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize