Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
