from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
