oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
