She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
