I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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