What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
