You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
