Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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