Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
