he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
