at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
