Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
being pregnant is like rehab
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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