I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
