Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
