Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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