Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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