Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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