Don't you send me to vm
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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