every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
