White coat. Heels.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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