There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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