Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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