I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Randomize
