My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
