I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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