I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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