remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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