I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
