ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
