Just fell off a train. Bad.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
