god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
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