um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
