i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Still dying that you shit outside
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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