so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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