I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
