hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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