So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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