plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
