there was a trapeze. enough said
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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