He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
