I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
