You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
