I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
