when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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