I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
