Your dad touched me again.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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