I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
