No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
