3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
