i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
