anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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