I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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