Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
