she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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