This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
