We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
