One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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