so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
