he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
