What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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