I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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