What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
