There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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