she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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